20 Apr 07

I never realized how hard this was going to be on the baby. I mean he is only 13 months old. I can take a toy from him and put it behind my back and soon he forgets. So, here it is 5 days since his daddy has left and that poor baby is not getting any good sleep. He sleeps for about 20-30 mins then wakes up crying for daddy. I wish my husband would have left something with his smell on it, but he didn't.

Devyn is doing pretty well without daddy. I see her writting in her journal and think of asking her, but that is her thoughts. If she wanted to share she would have talked with me. I do let her call him whenever she wants so that does make it easier on her. At least I hope it does.

I have all of the laundry done and it seems so strange. Usually I would have at least 4 more loads to do. My house is quiet yet there is so much going on. I still have to tackle Devyn's play room. I made a call to her school to see if they take move donations. I have about 300-400 movies down there and most of them she doesn't watch. I know I could keep them for Braedon. I would just rather donate them for this move. The less I have the easier the move. I am just waiting on a call back from the school. If they don't take donations then I'll call the library here or take them to the Salvation Army. I would rather donate than see someone sell them. I know it is crazy. My sister told me to put them on eBay. That right now is just too much of a bother. I have so much else going on I don't want to add boxing and mailing to the list.

One of the girls that works for me is getting an interview for a great position. I am so excited for her. I hope she gets it.

I spoke with my oldest son lastnight he is doing well. I miss him so much. I don't think I am going to get to see him until after the move.

I went to Wal Mart lastnight to buy a few items. While I was there I got some fleece at a heck of a bargain. I came home and was getting ready to call a friend to see how much she wanted of it when I realized that my friend is gone. She passed away last year. You don't realize how someone is affected by you. She really touched my life and I miss her dearly. I know she is looking down on me and mine, but there are times that I wish she were here so I can talk to her on the phone.

I spoke with my sister yesterday. Our mother is still going on about the events of the party. I don't understand how or why she is so upset. She was at the party for oh maybe 10 minutes. What bothers me is that she has seen a therapist and still doesn't put her past behind her. I wonder what she talked about when she went. I wonder if she told the trueth or if she made things up. I remember when I was young and she told me that I need to agree with whatever she said, even if it was exactely the trueth. I never understood that. I think that she is bi-polar. I am not a doctor, but he actions are just not normal. Maybe I am wrong. She can be having a fine time with people then all of a sudden start screaming, yelling and crying. She isn't a calm person. She is a more violent person. She is very angry and demanding. She has no problem hitting someone or throwing something at them. Then when she finally calms down, and that takes days. She doesn't remember her actions, she only remembers what she wants to remember of others. Normally her memories are not accurate.